note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
