headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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