An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
