were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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