Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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