Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
