Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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