You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
