Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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