I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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