she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize