i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
