so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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