I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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