i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
