just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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