Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
