Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
