Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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