Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My dick has a subreddit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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