whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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