well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
