Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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