Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
