I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
