As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
