if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
