That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
