if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
