This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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