I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
