In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
tell me about the fingering
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