I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
