All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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