You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
