you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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