I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
