I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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