Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found puke in my bra..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
