I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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