some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
