I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the liver wants what the liver wants
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
