so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
