god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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