Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
