You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
