Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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