I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
