and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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