We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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