I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
