in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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