did you get engaged???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
