my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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