She is in my trunk
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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