I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
