I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
