Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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