Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
