Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
