You're so nebulous sometimes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
