The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
