She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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