genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
