I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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