8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
