I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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