I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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