do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
