Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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