i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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