dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
