hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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