I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
