I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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