don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
