"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
