it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
