my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
