I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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