The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
