when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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