So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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