Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
