I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
