like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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