So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
