so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
