I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
