wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
