Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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