; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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