Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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