for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize