Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
