Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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