see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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