pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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