If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
