i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
