About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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