I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
