HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
