Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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