Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
