In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
