wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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