I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize